Survivor’s Checklist

Mimi’s husband, Jesse, sent me this “survivor’s checklist” that he put together for when Mimi passed. In the aftermath of Mimi’s death, this list became a necessity as he navigated the sadness and grief of his new life.

Jesse has since shared the list with others who have appreciated the guidance for “things that need to get done” in the wake of a loved one’s passing.

I am posting here in the hopes that it will help you or someone you know. Feel free to advise me of any additional points you think should be included. Thanks.

• Decide what the funeral arrangements are going to entail. Cremation or burial? Will a ceremony, viewing or celebration of life be held?

• Source out those services along with cost.

• Request a few certified copies of the death certificate. (A digital copy will be accepted by most places.)  You will need these going forward to prove the time and cause of death to various entities.

• Notify the credit bureaus of the passing of the person. A certified copy of the death certificate will need to be provided. Make sure to have them mark the account as deceased and freeze all future credit requests.  This will need to be done over the phone and online. Request a copy of all three credit reports ASAP.  These will be used to determine what debts a person still owes at time of passing and or any debts/ collections they may have had. All open credit cards will also be listed and those cards will need to be closed.

• Notify Social Security Administration. A certified copy of the death certificate will need to be provided. Make sure to have them mark the account as deceased and stop issuing benefits.  This will need to be done over the phone and online.

• Notify all government assistance entities the person may have been receiving money from or would soon be eligible to receive assistance from of the death. (Federal aid, unemployment, state assistance, disability, snap or other food assistance programs). A certified copy of the death certificate will need to be provided. Make sure to have them mark the account as close/deceased so no additional benefits are issued. This will need to be done over the phone and online. Under no circumstances do you or anyone else touch any money or benefits that are either deposited into the person's bank account or provided on a card after the date of passing.  You will be held responsible for the repayment of those benefits.

• Using the credit reports, assess what debts and or collections belong to the person who passed. A certified copy of the death certificate will need to be provided to every creditor and/or collections department. This will need to be done over the phone and online.

• Check the individual’s state laws for information on community property. For Colorado residents, Colorado is not a community property state. This means that upon the death of a person, any debts are non-transferable unless another person was a cosigner on the account.

• Calculate an asset assessment. (House, car, investments, bank accounts, etc.)  Make a list of anything that could have a perceived monetary value.  (Personal or sentimental items do not usually fall into this category.) If the person did not have a will, those assets will likely end up in probate court and be used to pay the deceased person’s debts or collections.  If the person had no assets, any debts will be written off by the creditors.

• Under no circumstances should any money be withdrawn from bank accounts or investments after the person’s date of passing.

• If in doubt contact a probate lawyer for assistance.

• Carry out the will/trust/final wishes of the deceased. If you are the executor, you will need to follow the will/trust directives. In the event that no will exists, divide any personal items between family and friends to the best of your ability.

Opinion: Medical aid in dying should not be proscribed by society’s laws or condemned by its mores

Great article by George F. Will about Kim Hoffman’s fight to use medical aid in dying in Connecticut. Click HERE to read.

Andy

Andy left LA this morning after a whirlwind week of interviews for the documentary, dinners out, picnics at the beach, thrifting, meeting new friends and several trips to MedMen. What I learned from Andy: She is sweet. She wants to help others who will follow in her footsteps with metastatic breast cancer. She loves her dog, Dash, but especially misses her dog, Dink. She wants to host a podcast again. She likes to sleep. She likes to dance. She likes to show off her tattooed nipples. (They look incredibly real.) She calls bullshit when she hears it. She is quick to laugh. You can follow her blog (mydeafeningdiagnosis.blogspot.com) or on Instagram and ask her anything! (@JustAskwithAndySealy.) She is an open book which made shooting her easy. I will miss her straightforward approach to life. Come back soon.

Supporter Spotlight

Compassion & Choices Newsletter highlighting “Take Me Out Feet First”

https://compassionandchoices.org/news/supporter-spotlight-serene-meshel-dillman

Day 5 - Allyne

Allyne is a force of nature. At age 80 she is salsa dancing, driving a sexy BMW convertible around Santa Cruz and is a vocal advocate for medical aid in dying (among other causes dear to her heart.) It was hard not to fall in love with her zest for life, her love of flamingos and her home’s rainbow decor theme. The homeopathic regime she has been on for the last 12 years has kept her lymphoma and brain tumor at bay. Allyne lives every day to its fullest. She posts on Facebook daily so you can friend and follow her flamingos and rainbows there. She’d love to hear from you.

Day 4 - Matt

Matt and Ginger live in a home filled with cats, cat photos, cat beds, cat blankets, cat scratchers and cat toys. One of their four cats keeps an eye on Matt at all times. She watches him fold laundry, organize his cooler filled with meds and keeps him company until Ginger returns from work. Matt has difficultly going out so we filmed him on their front porch. Ginger sat on his lap at the end of our discussion and they shared a kiss before she had to leave for work. Their long marriage is strong despite the fact that for half of their time together, Matt has lived with debilitating cancer.

Day 3 - Mimi

I found Mimi at the home she and Jessie built on a dirt road, high in the Colorado mountains. We got a couple of beautiful sunny, mosquito filled days. I sat and talked with Mimi in her make-shift bedroom, a former sewing room where she made hats and scarves for needy strangers. A funny, emotional, loving and smart lady whose charms made the hours fly. The wind chimes that appeared at my door days after her passing, will always make me pause, smile and think of her.

Day 2 - Lee

A walk in the sun to a crossroads in Glouster, MA where Lee Marshall and Paul Cary Goldberg locked arms and danced in the street as passing cars honked their hellos.

Lee and Paul

Day 1- Roger

We spent the day with Dr. Kligler as he trudged through a full day of scans, blood draws and “staging” at Dana Farber Cancer Institute in Boston, MA. He explained all of the procedures, medications and prognosis with patience and humor. Roger’s hope is that MAID passes into law this year so that those who follow a similar path, may benefit from his advocacy.