OUR DOGS A story by Dr. John McGeehan, Professor of Clinical Medicine Core Faculty, Center for Humanism

                                                                 Our Dogs

Growing up I never had a dog. My wife always did. I never wanted one. As with most things in a good marriage we arrived at a compromise and got our first dog as a puppy a number of years into our marriage – after our three children were old enough. She was a golden retriever. She was smart and happy and playful and a bit mischievous. Autumn quickly became a part of our family and changed our lives for the better. At age 10 she suddenly fell over without any prior warning. We took her to the Vet who told us to take her to a teaching hospital and I was shocked when I faced the reality of what we would do for a dog. Autumn had become more than a dog to us over those ten years. At the hospital we learned she had a cancer of her heart which had bled suddenly. We were given options and told what might happen. The options were not good and they recommended we take her home and make her comfortable. We decided to create a “doggy hospice” for her! She was now allowed in the pool. She could eat ice cream and all kinds of “people food”. She was happy and was not suffering.

After a few weeks she was acting normally. We knew that did not change the fact that she had a cancer and we took every day as a gift. We got another puppy – Madison - a golden retriever and with her new friend she became even more energetic and they played daily. One day, six months later, while in the yard Autumn fell over again and died. For many weeks Madison would sit exactly where she died and look around for long periods of time. There is so much we do not know. We all missed Autumn. Doggie hospice was a brilliant idea.

Madison enriched our lives for many years and eventually died as well. We were both working and very busy but agreed that there was a void in our lives worsened by the departure of children to college. My wife came up with the brilliant idea of adopting an adult golden retriever and found one not far from our home who was used as a breeder dog. We went to meet her and out of many happy dogs and puppies at this wonderful home in the country Sierra came right to us and jumped up on my wife. Love at first sight in all directions and she was soon in the car heading home. She was amazing - seventy pounds of pure love. She never barked and never begged and followed us everywhere even without needing a leash. 

At age 13 she suddenly became weak and we knew immediately what was wrong. It was a horrible déjà vu. She could not walk and was breathing heavy. The Vet took blood from her heart sack and confirmed that she had the same heart tumor. This is apparently not unusual in this breed. She improved dramatically but days later it happened again. She did not die as had Autumn but was clearly suffering. She looked at us with such sadness. We knew what the right thing to do was for someone we loved.

The staff at the Vet knew her and they greeted us at the door. I carried her in and the seventy pounds proved not an issue with emotions fueling adrenaline. We put her on the floor and got down on the floor next to her. The Vet was nothing short of amazing and spent more time comforting us than I ever expected. Sierra kept her eyes focused on us and did not move. We both pet her as an IV was started and she did not flinch. Perhaps we read into what a dog thinks but after years one gets to know their pet and it was clear she was not anxious and knew we were there for her. The medication was administered and she closed her eyes and shortly after stopped breathing. It was so beautiful. It was so comfortable for her. It was so sad for us. It was so right. She was a special dog and is missed every day. She left this world without pain and surrounded by those she loved.

I have been a primary care physician for decades and have seen many people die. I have lost parents and one in Hospice. I know first-hand that we cannot relieve all suffering even with the advances in palliative care. I know that those dying do not want to be alone and they do not want to suffer. In only a few states in this country do we allow the dying to have the option of assisted suicide. The current expressed concerns will eventually give way to the fact that the dying deserve better. When my time comes I would hope to leave this world as did Sierra – with my dignity, without suffering, and surrounded by those I love.

Dr. John McGeehan being interviewed for season 2 of Take Me Out Feet First